Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Do vagina's smell?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
