I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
