Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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