I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
