well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
