Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
