I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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