My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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