You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
