She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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