I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
