Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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