I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
