Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
