did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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