making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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