Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
