Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
