Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
