goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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