Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize