mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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