Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
