There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
