think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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