yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
