So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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