We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
