Just fell off a train. Bad.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
