She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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