Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize