Apparently you make a good broom.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
