have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So vagazzling was a success
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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