well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sorry my hands just texted you
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
