I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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