i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
