Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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