I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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