Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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