no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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