I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
