Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
