god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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