i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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