I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
