I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
