If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
