just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We're too hungover to prance.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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