I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
