420 ftw
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
