i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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