I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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