It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
