I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
