I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
