I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
