I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
