Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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