That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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