I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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