Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
