I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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