Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize