if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
