You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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