haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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