I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
sarcasm needs its own font
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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