I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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