I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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