Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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