Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
