He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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