Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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