Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
