I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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