Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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