spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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