News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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