Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
